Polygamy and Proposals

Monday, February 1: 7:40 pm

My host brother and I just had an interesting conversation about marriage. It started because we were talking about polygamy, which is commonly practiced in Cameroon; he believes that it is wrong, since it leads to many problems within the family. However, his grandfather had two wives and he still knows many people who come from polygamous families. In Cameroon, marriage is generally an economic matter that doesn't factor love into the equation. Even so, young people particularly in urban areas like Yaounde, believe love is important. Most Christians in the country have rejected polygamy, but many Muslims and practitioners of traditional religions continue to adhere to it. I told Simon how polygamy is illegal in the US and is generally seen as unacceptable, but that there are still those (particularly in Utah) who still do it. Since I've had Big Love on my mind lately, I told him about the show and about fundamentalist Mormons. I attempted to explain the case of Warren Jeffs and how people believe he is a prophet, even though he's in prison. He found this funny.

The discussion of polygamy led to a discussion of marriage in general, and Simon asked me what I was looking for in a husband. I said the basics: one who loves me, who understands me, who listens to me, with whom I have good “chemistry” (he said there's a similar expression in Cameroon); his requirements for a wife are that she respects him, listens to him, and loves him. I asked if his current girlfriend was marriage material – he said maybe, in a few years, if she has “bonne comportement” (good behavior). However, if he comes across a woman who has better “behavior,” he would marry her instead. I asked what he meant by “good behavior,” and he was a bit vague; something along the lines of working hard and doing things well.

I also mentioned that my future husband needs to be Jewish, which he (and my host family) completely understood. Given the importance of religion here, it's important to marry someone of your own faith. He asked me if I met an African man whom I loved, would I marry him? I said there aren't many Jews here, so it would be tough; he said I would have to teach them to be Jewish. He added something like, “I like Jews, it's okay.” I felt a little awkward, like he was expressing his openness to the idea of marrying me, so I changed the topic.

None of this was as awkward, though, as what another person on my program told me today – apparently, when she was telling her host parents about how much she enjoyed her little host siblings, they said that she should adopt them and bring them back to the US. Thinking it was a joke, she said, “But won't you miss them a lot?” They said they would, but it was a better idea for them, since they would have more opportunities there.

In other news, apparently members of a Baptist church on a rescue mission in Haiti have been arrested for attempting to take 33 children out of the country.